I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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