you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
