His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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