you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
