Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
