My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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