The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
