So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
