I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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