On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
