Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
