How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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