wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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