I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
