Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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