if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
