Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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