he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need to calm my uterus...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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