what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
