these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
they need to just BURY HIM!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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