All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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