i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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