She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
