He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is Oprah even human
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
