Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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