I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
did i walk over a car last night?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
its liver damage thursday
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
