Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
COCAINE IS GR8
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize