One girl and one boy is just not enough.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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