So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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