If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
