Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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