The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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