What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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