Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
pray to the hookup gods
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
