Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
