Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
