Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize