If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
