i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
