I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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