your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
