Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
