you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
