i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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