oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
