Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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