it hurts more in the daytime
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
