So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
