i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
