This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
