We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i think i just lost a toe
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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