i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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