Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
