Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
