just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
