Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
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I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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