He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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