I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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