Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
