Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
