Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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