capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Green mimosas i think yes
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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