I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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