GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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