Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
